No Regrets
by Felis Callida
Summary: In which Lydia and Gigi split a dessert, fall in love, get walked in on, and yell a lot. [The Lizzie Bennet Diaries]


**This ignores Welcome to Sanditon and The Epic Adventures of Lydia Bennet. Rated M to be careful.**

* * *

She's hanging out with Mary, if hanging out can be taken to mean having a really boring argument over what movie to watch.

"This one has hot people in it, so, duh, it's obviously the best!" Lydia says because it's true.

Mary rolls her eyes. "It's a terrible movie, there's no plot at all, and the intelligence of the main –"

Lydia mimes throwing up and Mary buries herself in her book, offended.

"Alright," Lydia sighs, because Mary has been a great friend, especially lately, and Lydia is working on having functioning, caring relationships with people. "Pick whatever you want, I'm making popcorn."

Mary puts down her book and stares at Lydia as though she's just suggested they invite the local football team for a wet T-shirt contest. That would've been a good idea half a year ago, Lydia thinks. Oh well. She's getting better. Onwards and upwards. Soldier on. Whatever.

"Alright, then," Mary says warily, as if she's expecting a trap.

It's Lydia's turn to roll her eyes now, which she does with great enthusiasm. It's easy to be her old, normal, happy self when she's with Mary, at least easier than it is with anyone else. "I'm an awesome friend, Mary," she says. "I am the Ly-deee-yah, after all." She still says that, just a little less happily than she used to.

Mary frowns, but walks over to the shelf with the DVDs and starts going through them.

Lydia stays on the sofa.

"Popcorn," Mary says.

Lydia groans, but gets up.

Just then, the doorbell rings.

Lydia and Mary exchange a glance.

"Who's that?" Mary asks.

"Uh, how am I supposed to know?" Lydia says, and goes to get the door.

There's a girl about her and Mary's age standing outside, carrying a bag and smiling. "Hi," she says.

Lydia looks her up and down critically. Something about her seems familiar. She's dressed like some kind of business woman or something, at least compared to Lydia herself. "Hi," Lydia says. "Who're you?"

"My name's Gigi," the girl answers.

Lydia raises her eyebrows. "Gigi as in Baby Darcy?" she asks.

The girl grins. "I guess," she says. "It's short for Georgiana."

"How sophisticated," Lydia says sarcastically.

The girl keeps smiling. It's kind of unnerving, actually. "I just came by to give this to Lizzie," she says, patting her bag. "It's from my brother, but he's abroad, and I was in the area anyway…"

"Lizzie's visiting Jane in New York," Lydia says curtly. She doesn't mention that she had been too afraid of New York to go with her sister. She's not very proud of it.

"Oh," Gigi says. "So that's why he told me to bring it by last week. Uh –" She doesn't seem sure whether to ask if she can come in or whether just to drop off whatever she has for Lizzie and leave.

"I'm Lydia, by the way," Lydia says.

"I know," Gigi says, smiling. "You're the adorbz, aren't you?"

Lydia looks at her silently for a few moments, then steps aside to let her in. "You bet," she says.

* * *

Mary hardly even looks up. "Hi," she says, still going through the DVDs.

"Hello," Gigi says. "I'm Gigi. You're Cousin Mary, aren't you?"

"I know," Mary says, still not looking up. "And I am. I've seen Lizzie's videos, too."

"Everybody seems to have," Gigi says, sitting down on the edge of the sofa.

Lydia drops into the big armchair, her legs dangling over the side. Her legs look good, she thinks happily. This new spray tan is really working.

"They're too orange," Mary says, apparently having followed Lydia's gaze. Lydia throws a cushion at her and Mary deflects it with Lizzie's Lord of the Rings Special Extended Edition for Lonely Nerds.

(Yes. Lydia did scrawl _for Lonely Nerds_ on the box a couple of years ago.)

"Let's do something else," Lydia says. "I don't wanna watch a movie."

"You just don't want to have to make popcorn," Mary says.

"So what?" Lydia says. "I'm comfy here."

Gigi giggles. It's a nice sound. Lydia could stand to hear it again.

After Gigi's left that night, Mary turns to Lydia. "Make friends with her," she says. "She's insane just like you, you can keep an eye on each other. Or just be completely crazy," she adds, apparently only realizing that that's a possibility right now.

"Be completely crazy," Lydia says, and just like that, she's made her choice.

* * *

It's Lizzie's moving-away party to celebrate her finally getting a life, so mom and dad have discreetly gone for dinner at their friends' house. It's pretty loud and there's loads of people – Lydia organized the party, because Lizzie really can't be trusted with events like that.

"Hey, Lydia," a bored voice says from behind her.

Lydia looks around and sees Mary. "Mary," she squeals and hugs her. "You made it! That's so great! You, at a party!"

"You forgot to invite me," Mary says drily. "Jane had to do it."

Lydia shrugs sheepishly. "Well, you're here now! Partaaay!" Lydia doesn't shout as loudly as she would have a while ago, but she's still looking forward to it. She's not drinking, though, instead only having filled her cup with orange juice. It's going to be a nice night regardless.

Mary smiles slightly at something over Lydia's shoulder. "You invited Gigi? Lydia, you are so obvious."

Lydia shrugs again. "Hey, she's Lizzie's friend. Besides, you know me."

Mary sighs. "I do, unfortunately."

Lydia waves Gigi over. "Hey," she says. "Awesies to see you again!"

"Likewise," Gigi says. "You too, Mary."

Mary snorts, sits down, and gets out a book.

Lydia rolls her eyes and turns to Gigi. "Can I get you anything? Drink? Snack? Entry into the wet T-shirt contest?"

Gigi smiles. "I'm good, thanks. Who's that?"

She points at a girl sitting alone by the wall looking frightened.

"Oh," Lydia says. "That's just Maria Lu. She's Charlotte's sister. So boring. All she likes is geeky stuff."

"She looks scared," Gigi says. "We should go talk to her. You want to come along, Mary?"

"No, thank you," Mary says.

"Come on," Lydia says, pulling Mary up. "It's a party. You talk to people."

"You make out with people, isn't that your philosophy?"

"Totes," Lydia says, and follows Gigi.

Maria looks even more scared when she sees them approach, but she's sitting with her back against the wall, so she's trapped.

"Hey," Gigi says to Maria. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Maria says quietly. "It's a big party."

Gigi sits down next to her and Lydia crosses her arms. Gigi should be sitting somewhere with her.

Mary pulls Lydia aside as Gigi keeps talking to Maria. "You're jealous," Mary says.

Lydia snorts. "Why would I be jealous of Maria Lu? I am so much hotter." Sorry, but it's true.

"You want Gigi for yourself," Mary says, almost gleeful. "This is just like Shakespeare. Drama, emotions. Forbidden love…"

"Uh," Lydia says. "It's just like Romeo and Juliet, you mean. With Leonardo di Caprio. Shakespeare's, like, dead."

Mary gapes at her for a second, then shakes her head twice. "Right," she says.

"And nothing's forbidden," Lydia says. "Anyway, she should be talking to me, because I'm the reason everybody even is at this party 'cause I was in charge of the invitations."

"And you did such a good job," Mary says sarcastically. "What with forgetting me, and Jane having to invite me. Even though she's not at this party but in New York."

"Will you let that go?" Lydia asks impatiently.

"Go ask her out," Mary says. "You're good at that."

"I am," Lydia says. But she doesn't know if she's ready, not now, when she's only just starting to be herself again, only less exuberant, because she suspects that she'll never be the same as before, no matter how dramatic and stupid it sounds.

"Go on," Mary says, more softly now.

"Alright," Lydia says, and she goes.

* * *

They go for a picnic, which is, unsurprisingly, Gigi's idea.

They're sitting at the top of a hill, Gigi's car parked further down by a little river, nothing around them but nothingness. Lydia's never been to a place that empty.

"You know who I hate?" Gigi asks suddenly, lying on her back and blinking into the sun. " _Him_."

Of course Lydia knows who _he_ is, even though it is a pretty random change of topic. "Me, too," she says forcefully, realizing that they never say _his_ name. In fact, they haven't mentioned _him_ at all, even though that's about the only thing they have in common.

Gigi gets up suddenly. "You hear that, George Wickham?" she yells. "I hate you! We both do! You suck!"

Lydia stares at her for a moment. There's no one around for miles who could hear them, so what's the point?

There's no one around for miles who could hear them, it hits her. Perfect opportunity to go completely cray-cray, or what?

She gets up as well. "That's right, George!" she hollers. "We hate you!"

"And you're not even good at kissing!"

"And you're not that hot!"

"And you're not all that smart, you sleazy scumbag!"

"And swimmers are so last season!" Lydia's throat is starting to feel a little hoarse, but she doesn't care. "Holla!" she shouts. "Baby Darcy and the Ly-deee-yah are doing just fine!"

Gigi turns to her. "I don't get a better name than Baby Darcy?"

"Darcinator Junior?" Lydia suggests sheepishly.

Gigi stares at her. "I'll take it," she says then, and they go back to shouting random insults at a guy who can't even hear them.

"You're bad at tennis!" Gigi screams at the top of her lungs. "Guess what? I only pretended I couldn't beat you! Next time I'll annihilate you, jerk!"

"You're such a douche even Jane hates you!" Lydia screams.

Gigi is giggling now, nearly toppling over, and Lydia joins in. This feels good, she feels brave. She never knew that you could feel that brave without alcohol, but she does, and she likes it.

They sing along to Florence and the Machine the entire car ride home, even though in Lydia's opinion, which is the one that counts the most, it's not the kind of music that's great for singing along. It doesn't matter today.

* * *

"Hey," Maria says as she opens the door. She sounds absolutely terrified. "I made some cupcakes."

"Cool," Lydia says.

"Hi Maria, nice to see you again," Gigi says.

Mary walks in without a comment.

Maria's invited them all to a sleepover at her house. Lydia can't quite believe how childish that is. She's also looking forward to it a lot. Especially now that there's cupcakes.

"This is the living room," Maria says shyly. "And these are all our movies, if you want to pick one to start with."

Lydia suspects Charlotte's had a hand in this. Maria doesn't seem like the type to throw sleep-over parties with people she doesn't usually hang out with without some gentle encouragement, or some forceful pressure, from her big sister.

As Gigi looks at the DVDs and Mary checks out the Lus' books, Maria pulls Lydia into the kitchen.

"Hey, Lydia," she says.

"Uh, hey," Lydia says. She doesn't know what Maria would want to talk to her about without the other two there – they haven't had any secrets since that time about fifteen years ago when they spiked Lizzie, Charlotte and Jane's lemonade with washing-up liquid.

"I just wanted to – to ask – you know. If you're doing okay?"

Lydia stares at her. Maybe, she thinks, it's a joke, or some sort of attempt to get a topic to gossip about, like, _Hey, guess who's starred in another sex tape?_

But Maria's eyes are huge and dark and full of – it's not pity. Empathy is the big word Lizzie would use, Lydia guesses.

"Yeah," she says. "Sure. I am."

Maria nods. "I'm glad," she says.

It's nice to have someone ask her if she's okay even though all of that stuff has been behind her a while now and people generally assume she's doing fine. It's nice to know there's someone who realizes she might not be.

"Do you want a cupcake?" Maria asks.

"Thanks, Maria," Lydia says, nodding. She hopes Maria knows she's not just thanking her for the cupcakes.

* * *

It's a couple of weeks until Lydia and Gigi next see each other, and Lydia is getting pretty impatient. She wants to see Gigi all the time, and she's used to getting what she wants even now, after everything.

Gigi insists on taking her out for dinner, and Lydia has much less problems than Jane and Lizzie with other people paying stuff for her, so it's really fun.

"So," Gigi says. "How've you been?"

Lydia shrugs. "Bored," she says. "I have to do something after college, and everyone keeps telling me to decide what."

Gigi nods. "I'm applying for grad school," she says. "I know what you mean."

Lydia smirks at her. "Yeah, Lizzie mentioned that."

Gigi buries her face in her hands. "I was doing my best to stall her, alright? It was Fitz's idea!"

"Suuuure," Lydia says.

Gigi laughs and they're silent for a while, but it's the good kind of silence.

"Split a dessert?" Gigi asks eventually.

Lydia nods. "Lemon meringue pie thing," she says.

"Definitely," Gigi says, waving over a waiter.

"You know," Lydia says once they've finished their dessert and are leaning back in their chairs. "You're really – I mean, you're –"

Gigi leans in again, and Lydia automatically mirrors her, even though she's so full she can barely move.

"What were you saying?" Gigi asks.

Lydia feels drunk even though they've only had water.

Their kiss tastes like Lemon meringue and San Pellegrino even though logically San Pellegrino doesn't taste like anything. It's perfect, like in a movie, except for the fact that they're too lazy to do anything besides cup each other's jaws because they've had so much to eat. Considering they're in a restaurant, that's probably for the better, if also for the boring-er. Lydia likes energetic kissing. And energetic other things.

"Dude," Lydia says when they've broken apart. "If only we had done this while all the vlogs were still running. We so would've gotten more views than Lizzie."

* * *

They're lying on the grass outside Lydia's house. Gigi's eyes are closed and Lydia half-thinks she's fallen asleep. She leans forward and gently tugs at Gigi's hair. Gigi scrunches up her nose. "You're impossible, Lydia," she says.

Lydia nods. There's really nothing else to say to that.

Gigi opens her eyes. "There's no one at home, right?" she asks.

Lydia shakes her head.

"Good," Gigi says, getting up. "Let's go inside, then."

Lydia wishes there was someone here to high-five, but she settles for punching the air.

* * *

Gigi meets Kitty, which is the most adorbz thing Lydia has ever seen in her life, and that includes Lizzie's cat-and-chinchilla pictures.

"She's the cutest little thing," Gigi says. "I want a cat!"

"Why don't you have one?" Lydia asks, making Kitty chase a bit of string. That shit never gets old, she thinks, grinning.

"I'm allergic," Gigi says, sneezing.

"Oh my god," Lydia says. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"She's just so cute," Gigi says. "I didn't not want to be with her."

Gigi is really bad at making subtle comments about their relationship, but she is a Darcy, after all, and Lydia's never been one to appreciate subtlety too much anyway.

* * *

Darcy walks in on them one time when they are at Gigi's. He stares at them like he's never thought his little sister might be having sex before.

"William!" Gigi squeals. "I didn't know you were home – this is just – please don't tell anybody!"

"What?" Lydia says.

"What?" Gigi asks, looking at her.

"Do you have a problem with people knowing?" Lydia challenges her. She doesn't even know what's going on with her right now, but she's pissed.

"No –" Gigi says, but Lydia doesn't let her finish her sentence.

She gets up, Darcy looks away, but even if he didn't, Lydia doubts she would care right now.

"Lydia, please, that isn't what I was –"

Lydia gets dressed and leaves. She's never going to get close to people who are ashamed of her again.

* * *

She needs to talk to someone. Jane and Lizzie are both working and so is Charlotte, most likely. Maria's doing an internship once again. So she calls Mary.

Mary doesn't answer, so Lydia calls her again. And again. And ten more times.

Finally, Mary picks up. "Lydia," she hisses. "What the hell are you doing? I'm in class!"

Lydia sniffles.

"Are you crying?" Mary asks. "Look, I really can't talk right now."

Lydia sobs a little and Mary sighs. "Give me a sec," she says.

Lydia hears her leave her class. It was probably boring, anyway.

"What happened?" Mary asks.

"I think Gigi and I broke up," Lydia wails.

Mary is silent for a few seconds. "Uh, were you and Gigi seeing each other?"

Oh, right.

"I'm gonna catch you up," Lydia says, drying her tears for the moment at least.

* * *

Gigi rings the bell the next day. Mom lets her in. Lydia doesn't go downstairs.

Gigi knocks at her room and comes in without waiting for Lydia to say anything.

"Lydia," she says. "You're being a baby."

Lydia gapes. She'd expected an apology.

"I'm sorry –" There it is! "About yesterday, but my brother had just walked in on us! I wasn't thinking – anything, really, except oh shit. So please, don't take this so seriously."

Lydia crosses her arms. "You're such a Darcy," she says. She doesn't have any idea herself what she means by that.

Gigi actually rolls her eyes. "You know what this is? You're scared because we're getting serious and this is providing you with a convenient out."

Lydia stares at her in silence, realizing that Gigi's completely right.

Shit.

"I mean, I love you, Lydia," Gigi says, and Lydia nearly chokes. Gigi ploughs on without noticing the effect of her words. "And I want to be with you, and I'm sorry, I know I'm not that easy a person to be around sometimes."

Oh please. Lydia knows Gigi has nothing on herself when it comes to being annoying and hard to be with.

"So, will you get it together?" Gigi asks, crossing her arms in front of her chest and tapping her foot.

Lydia can tell she's nervous.

"You said you love me."

"Did I?" Gigi asks, horrified.

Lydia nods. She wants to say it back.

She can't.

She kisses Gigi and hopes it will be enough for now.

* * *

They go on thirty-two dates and have sex twenty-five times before Lydia scrapes together the courage to say it.

"I love you," she finally manages one night when they're lying in Gigi's bed, and it hurts, and it's scary, and the last time she loved someone everything went wrong, and she can't do that again, she can't –

Gigi kisses her, a hand cupping Lydia's jaw, thumb stroking her cheek, and that means it's gonna be okay, doesn't it, it has to be. It has to.

"I love you, too," Gigi whispers. "So much, Lydia. And it's alright, really. And it's okay that you're scared. But you don't have to be. I promise."

Lydia doesn't even deny it, she knows she's obvious, and Gigi knows her pretty well by now, knows the things that freak her out, and the things that make her go holla! and the ones that make her laugh like she's never gonna stop again. Gigi's hand slips down to Lydia's collarbones, caressing the skin there with her fingertips.

Lydia laughs, a little shaky but happy. "Back at you," she whispers.

* * *

"Oh, Lydia, I'm so happy for you!" Jane says, hugging her. Bing smiles at everyone while Darcy sits motionlessly by Lizzie's side. Lizzie is grinning as if she's thinking something sarcastic about this whole situation. Nothing new there.

It's one of those weekends where everyone's in town, even Bing and Jane, so Mom, Dad, Lizzie, Darcy, Jing – yes, they are holding hands during dinner, the sickening romantics –, Charlotte, Gigi and Lydia are squeezed around the dinner table. Somehow, it's come out that Lydia and Gigi are together. Apparently Darcy didn't tell anybody, not even Lizzie, which is kind of cool. Now, everyone's found out, though.

Well. Charlotte caught them making out in the pantry.

No regrets.

Except that they didn't have enough time to actually go any further and it's been a while because Gigi's in grad school now so they don't see each other all the time. Which, granted, makes it better when they do see – and do – each other. Lydia can't help but smirk at her own thoughts.

"Lydia, sweetie, this is great," her mom says, beaming. Dad quietly stares ahead. He probably wishes he could go to his study and escape the madness.

"All three daughters well settled," Mom continues.

"Uh," Lydia says. "The Ly-deee-yah ain't gonna settle down. I'm wild and free –"

"She cooked me a three-course dinner last week," Gigi throws in, the traitor. She actually high-fives Darcy. Although she gets girlfriend-points for not mentioning that Lydia had burnt most of the dinner, including the ice cream. (Flambéing it had seemed like a good idea before actually doing it. After, not so much.)

Mom clasps her hands together and gasps with glee. Great. She's probably already planning the wedding. Well, a wedding means free drinks and a hot dress, so it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Lydia blows Gigi a kiss. She's totally snagged a ten and done much better than Lizzie and Jane, because while Bing and Darcy are great, they're _so_ not more than eight-and-a-halves.

(It's the saving spiders and bowties that bring them down. Lydia could so totally give Darcy a makeover, but neither he nor Lizzie will allow it. Their loss.)

Anyway, they all tuck in.

Gigi winks at Lydia over the table. Lydia winks back and slides her foot up Gigi's leg until Charlotte, who has supernatural observation powers throws her a look that means _stop_ and a smile that means _aww, good for you_.

* * *

Mary's graduated from college, so Lydia throws her a party. The problem is, Mary doesn't really have any friends, so in addition to her and Lydia, it's just Gigi and Maria.

"Really?" Mary asks. "Really, Lydia? You could've invited my boyfriend."

"Nah," Lydia says. "No boys on a girls' night out."

They sit down at their table and the waiter hands them the menus.

"I can't believe we're celebrating my finishing school at Charlie's Cheesy Chicken Shed," Mary says.

"Hey, they have the best cheesy chicken in town," Lydia says.

Gigi and Maria giggle.

"There's nothing vegetarian on this menu," Mary says.

"So?" Lydia says carelessly. "We're here for chicken!"

"I'm a vegetarian," Mary sighs.

"Oh shit," Lydia says.

They end up going for drinks, even though Lydia doesn't drink much anymore, Maria never has, Gigi likes expensive cocktails that Carter's Bar doesn't even know how to mix and Mary thinks the public consumption of alcohol and the resulting drunkenness are too embarrassing to risk.

It's still a fun night, somehow.

* * *

It's Lydia's birthday, but she doesn't feel like a party because now sometimes she just doesn't, and that's fine. Everyone can tell, especially Gigi, so they go to their picnic spot again, stretching when they get out of the car after the drive.

Lydia checks her birthday texts. They're from Lizzie and Darcy, Jane and Bing, Charlotte, Mary, Maria, her parents. She used to get loads more, from all kinds of people. It doesn't matter, really, though, because now each one means more than all of them put together last year.

"What do you want to do?" Gigi asks after they've eaten. "Shout at someone?"

Lydia shakes her head. She's not angry at anyone anymore.

"Just shout," she says.

Gigi laughs, obviously understanding. "Go on."

Lydia laughs, because it is a little stupid, but Gigi gives her a little nudge and a smile, and she gets up.

Lydia yells, as loud as she can, careless, wild, free. She runs, faster and faster, her hair whipping in the wind, her feet pounding the grass. She runs and runs, down the hill, into the river, ruining her shoes.

She twirls. "Look at me," she shouts at Gigi, who's laughing and waving. "I'm a fucking work of art!"

Gigi runs after her, splashing water all around. She comes to a stop right in front of Lydia, breathing hard. "You really are."

Lydia gently tugs at Gigi's hair. " _We_ really are," she says, thinking that they've only just started.


End file.
